last year, a friend of a friend met pat o’brien, former sports commentator turned access hollywood gossiper, in a bar.

pat was with his big-breasted blond girlfriend, and evidently a lot of cocaine in his pocket.

pat took a fancy to this friend of a friend and started leaving her voice mail messages. each message was more explicit and graphic than the last. in the end, pat o’brien left no room for the imagination. it was pretty clear what he wanted.

my friends mike & sujal helped this friend pull the voicemails from her phone. mp3s are pretty easy to email out to the entire world and pretty soon pat’s night out was all over the web.

if you are easily offended by triple x rated content be warned, you probably shouldn’t listen to the following audio file.

otherwise, take off your jacket, take a seat, relax, pour yourself a brandy, perhaps do an extremely large line of cocaine “pat o’brien style”….and have a listen.

a funny thing happened after this audio spread like wildfire over the internet. pat o’brien admitted he had a drinking problem and checked himself into a rehab clinic, as if to say, it wasn’t me talking on those voicemails, it was the alcohol. it was the drugs.

welcome to the pat o’brien school of damage control. funny thing is, it works. if you tune into “The Insider”, there’s pat, gossipping away again about all the personal affairs of the hollywood elite.

note to self. do something crazy. blame alcohol, enter rehab, check out, resume life again without skipping a beat.

so fast forward to today (today being recently, like the past few weeks). enter Florida politician Mark Foley. mark clearly attended the pat o’brien school of damage control. let’s review:

do something crazy. check.
blame alcohol. check.
enter rehab. pending.
resume career. pending.

so i’d like to propose that we add the word pat o’brien to the american lexicon. like google, it could be a verb, like “he pat o’brien’d his way out of it.” the gist is that he did something so insanely stupid, blamed alcohol and got a free pass. or a noun, like don’t be a pat o’brien.

anyway, if anyone is listening, or reading, who is an american lexicon decision maker, please consider my proposal. it would add to the color that makes the american vocabulary so rich and nuanced.

thanks a bunch,
peter