In part one of what will become a recurring rant, I’m going to call out, one by one, all the companies that annoy me with their online video advertising model.
First up, HGTV. I saw an advertisement for
Me: Hello gentle online video player. I look forward to consuming all that you have to offer. I’m going to click your play button now.
HGTV player: Hold up, cowboy! Let’s take it slow. I’m not the type of player to just give it up whenever you want. Please wait 5 seconds while I load up a 15 second advertisement for you to watch.
Me: Um…ok. But what’s on the other side of that 15 second advertisement. Is it good?
HGTV player: Hold on. I’m still loading the ad. I can’t load ads and answer questions at the same time.
Me: (blink….blink blink……blink)
Ad finally loads and starts to play.
Me: (making small talk while I wait) So this morning on my way into the office I…
HGTV player: Hold on again….I need to load the video you wanted to watch.
Me: Ok. So when I got on the train there were these two guys who…
HGTV player: I found the video you want to watch.
Me: Great
HGTV player: It’s 46 seconds long.
(Decent but not great video clip plays)
Me: Well, back to work.
HGTV player: Wait, I have more. Don’t leave me just yet.
Me: Maybe one more.
HGTV player: Hold on, I need to find the next commercial
Me: The next…what?
HGTV player: One second…found it…hold on…loading…
(15 second commercial plays)
HGTV player: Cool, the next video is 56 seconds long. That’s almost a minute. You are definitely getting value on this clip.
Me: Thanks.
(video plays)
Me: Back to work.
HGTV player: But wait, there’s more!
Me: Are you seriously going to make me sit through another commercial?
HGTV player: I’m seriously going to do it. For every video that you want to watch I’m going to show you a commercial that you don’t want to watch. A mathematically easy to remember 1:1 formula.
Me: And a mathematically easy to remember 2:1 ratio of good video time to ad loading and playing time. 40 seconds of Ed “the animal” Begley to 20 seconds of paint drying. No thanks.
Recap
I waited 5 seconds to watch a 15 second advertisment, followed by 5 seconds to load the video I wanted to watch. After my 46 seconds of goodness, 5 seconds to load an ad, followed by another 15 second advert, 5 seconds to load my next clip, which clocked in at 56 seconds. 5 more seconds to load my next 15 second commercial. 5 seconds to then load a 52 second video. The only reason I kept going was so that I could write down the actual clip lengths.
